Learn to Drive!
by SpiritofSilverWater
Summary: Gold's juniors are stuck in a car with him. It turns out that Gold is actually a good teacher. Although his tactics are... questionable... No pairings.


**A/N: Hey! We got bored, so we made this fanfiction for the heck of it. Have fun!**

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It was a nice spring day, and Red decided that all the juniors have some quality time with Gold because they needed it. Of course, no one except Gold was too pleased with this decision, but they knew better than to argue with Red. Or Blue, for that matter, because she agreed.

"Hey, Gold." Said Emerald.

"Yeah, Rald?"

"How do you drive?"

"Heh. It's easy! How about Senior Gold shows all ya kids the ropes, eh?"

"Gold, all of us, except White, are underage. None of us will have to use this information for a few more years, except for you." Platina remarked.

"And, uh, none of us really trust you in a car…" Diamond added.

"Eh? Have a little faith! Come on, I don't have my license revoked yet, do I? Therefore, I have to be following the law, at least!"

"He's got a point." Lack-two put in.

"Eh, I'm bored, an' it's either sit 'ere for five hours or let Gold drive." Sapphire said.

"Whatever. As long as the media doesn't show up." Muttered X, climbing into the far backseat of the car.

"I call shotgun!" Shouted Emerald, jumping into the passenger's seat.

"Heh." Gold muttered, silently thinking that his juniors were adorable. He was going to have fun with this.

"If you guys are going." Y sighed, also getting into the car.

"Whatever. Move over, X." Hugh said. X moved without complaint.

"Move over, Priss!" Shouted Sapphire.

"I'm not even in the car!" Ruby yelled back.

"Stop flirtin' ya two and just get in!" Emerald yelled.

The two huffed and turned away, but for some reason sat next to each other. Wally sweatdropped and got in next to them.

"So where are we going?" Wally asked, oblivious to the plans Gold had.

"Heh, you'll see. But when I'm done, you'll all be great drivers! Heh, you'll never get one ticket!"

"Well, if you're driving, that's doubtful." Lack-two remarked, remembering all the tickets he had to give Gold.

"I never said _I _would never get another ticket!"

"Where were you guys?" Asked Pearl, running over there with about seventeen hot dogs.

"Pft, where were we? Where were you!?" Gold exclaimed.

"Hot dog stand." Said Pearl, pointing to Diamond.

"Thanks Pearl! But, uh, how did you get here and back so fast?" Diamond asked.

"That's for me to know, and you guys to never find out." There was a moment of silence, before Diamond shrugged it off and ate his hot dogs.

"I thought there were no secrets between the three of us." Platinum remarked suspiciously. Pearl leaned over and whispered "Microwave" to Platinum.

"Well, kiddos! Get in the car! Dia, you may not want to have those right now!" Gold yelled.

"Uh, why…?"

"Just trust your senior!"

"Okaay?"

"Come on!" Black yelled from inside the car.

"When did you get here?" Ruby asked.

"Five minutes ago! You'd be surprised how hard it is to get time off! But I got Prez to, too!"

"This is a big car…" Wally remarked.

"Should we be trusting Gold to drive?" White asked.

"Well, sure, he's gotten plenty of tickets… And got kicked out of quite a few game corners… And once got sentenced to five hours in juvie for… _Nice!" _Lack-two said, reading a list. Sapphire snatched it out of his hand and read it.

"Pervert!" She yelled, throwing the list at Gold's head.

"Heh. But anyway, I'm totally a safe driver!"

Ruby then picked up the list. "That's not what your tickets say!" He said.

"Eh? Tickets are stupid, and cops are faggots."

"Hey!" Lack-two shouted. Whi-two sweat-dropped from the backseat.

"Are we going somewhere, or…?" She questioned.

X gave a startled yelp. "When did you get here?!" He practically yelled, because sure enough, she was now right beside him. She blinked.

"The window was open, and the door was locked, and I saw you all in here…"

"Whatever…" Muttered X.

Gold looked back there to make sure everyone else was in. Man, was he going to have fun. "Ready to go, Rald?" He asked.

"Yep!" Emerald replied, happy.

"Can you please shut the window first?" Asked Whi-two. Gold rolled his eyes and dramatically shut the window.

"Great, now that the drama's over, can we get going?" Hugh grumpily asked.

_"Heh. We'll see whose being dramatic when this is over!"_ Gold thought. "Yep! First thing you should know, I'm gonna teach you kids how to drive! Now, you should always pull out slowly, and make sure no cars are coming when you back out!" Gold said, putting the car in reverse and literally slamming on the gas pedal, causing his juniors to jerk, and a few to scream.

"When shifting the car to forwards, you should be going slow!" Gold said, shifting gears without taking his foot off the gas. Now everyone was slammed back into their seats.

"Yeah, yeah. Very funny!" Lack-two said.

"Aren't I? Now, you should always have your foot on the pedal. Never ever just replace it with a heavy object!" Gold said, putting his feet on the steering wheel and a dictionary on the gas pedal.

"Are you crazy!?" Diamond shrieked.

"Maybe. Eh, have a little faith! This is perfectly safe!"

_"Liar!" _Everyone thought.

"Now you should always have your eyes on the road, and both hands on the steering wheel!" Gold said, turning around, gesturing with his hands, and leaning back against the steering wheel. This caused it to honk its horn loudly and continuously. Gold looked back. "Also, you should never just honk the horn continuously. It'll distract other drivers."

"We're going to die, we're going to die…" X repeated to himself. By now, half his juniors were screaming, Wally was hugging the seatbelt, Diamond had ten seatbelts over him somehow, Pearl was getting under Diamond's seatbelts, Rald was trying to keep his head from slamming against things, Sapphire was hanging onto the window, Ruby was yelling at Gold, Whi-two was screaming and also clinging to the window, and Gold was smug as ever.

"One of the most important things is that you always obey the speed limits!" Gold said, throwing another book on the gas pedal. This caused the car to go at about 90 miles an hour. Which, of course, caused everyone to slam back into their seats, making Emerald hit his head yet again.

"What is wrong with you?!" Pearl exclaimed.

"Pft. Gold, stop messing around with us!" Emerald shouted.

"Remember, guys! Click it or ticket! Always buckle up and make sure that the airbags are in working order!" Gold actually got out of his chair and used hedge-pruners to cut the seatbelts. This caused Y to shriek.

"Are you crazy?! We're going to die!" Black screamed.

"Oh, ye of little faith! We'll be fine!" Gold said, getting back into his chair.

"Do you have any idea how many laws you're breaking?!" Lack-two shouted.

"You should always be courteous to other drivers on the road, because startling someone could cause them to veer and crash. HEY YOU! MOVE IT!" And then he started honking Yankee Doodle on the horn, completely ignoring Lack-two.

"Shut up, kid!" The other driver yelled back, ramming the side of their car.

"Yeah! You shut up, jerkface!" Gold yelled back, ramming him back. "Remember, ramming other drivers is dangerous, and you should never do it!" White was now screaming and crying into Lack-two's shirt, who under any other circumstances would be enjoying that. But as he was fearing for his life, he found it hard to be very interested in girls. But then again, pretty much every girl (and Wally) except Sapphire was screaming and crying too.

"Never speed on a crowded highway, especially after you gave someone serious road-rage!" A brick broke through the back window and hit the back of Gold's chair, fortunately missing everyone else. "Hey! Watch it, asshole!" Gold yelled at that guy.

"Why didn't I write my will before I came?!" Black screamed.

"How do you still have your license?!" Hugh shrieked at Gold.

"You should always stop for stoplights, stop signs, and toll booths!" Gold said, once again ignoring them and running three stoplights and through the gate on a tollbooth. Lack-two began writing Gold a ticket, if only to just take his mind off the fact that he was probably going to die.

"You should always listen to police about what you do on the road!" Gold said, grabbing the ticket and throwing it out the window. He put another book on the gas pedal. "When going over a hundred miles an hour, never open the windows, as wind sheer could jerk the steering wheel, or maybe even pull you out of the car!" Gold said, opening all the windows at once. Emerald was now clinging to Gold in an attempt to stay in the car. Everyone else shrieked as trash started flying around the car.

"Why, Red, why?!" Ruby shrieked. Gold, ignoring his juniors who were now mostly crying (exceptions being Hugh, Sapphire, Lack-two, Ruby, Emerald, and Pearl), began driving with his feet. "Always drive with your hands. Also, never drive on the line or shoulder of the road!" Gold said, doing just that. His juniors once again shrieked. Police started chasing the car, which actually relieved most of his juniors. Until Gold began speaking again.

"When cops are tailing ya, you should always pull over and stop, never try to shake or avoid them!" Gold said, removing the books from the gas pedal and flooring it. He then got the sense to close the windows, much to Rald's relief. "Now, you should never go over 130 miles an hour. Dunno why you'd be going a hundred anyway, but meh. Kids do all sorts of things these days, like drive on the lawn! Hope you guys never do that." He said, driving across the lawns of three houses and taking out a mailbox.

"Hope you guys are buckled up!" Gold yelled jokingly, causing his juniors to glare at him. "And remember, you guys should always follow one-way signs and drive in the correct lane!" Gold, of course, was doing the opposite. "This is especially true when going through tunnels, because you may not see the car coming or be able to get out of the way in time!" Gold was still driving in the wrong lane.

When they got back out onto the highway, Gold made another rule. "You should always be sure to drive safely. Don't just do tricks or show off in the middle of the road!" Gold began doing donuts with the car. "Hey, watch me make this thing do a backflip!" Somehow, he did, and this caused poor Wally to just break down in terror. X was now hyperventilating, and Y looked about ready to pass out. Everyone was too terrified to say anything.

"Don't text and drive! It's bad! Did you know that the average teen takes their eyes off the road for long enough to cross a football field while looking at a text?"

"Are ya **_crazy_**?!" Sapphire managed to scream.

"Nah." Just then, Gold's pokégear rang. He didn't look at who it was, just picked it up.

"Yeah, fag?"

"Hey! You remember my super cool Ratatta? It's, like, different from regular Ratatta. It's, like, in the top percentage of Ratatta! You know what I'm saying? Ok, bye!"

"Him again…" Gold grumbled. Just then, he got a text. "Oh, hey! I got a text from Red! Yeah… doing good… busy highway… juniors are havin' fun…"

_"**Liar**!"_ Thought everyone who wasn't too scared to think.

"You should always give the car time to stop. Never just slam on the brakes, especially while going fast." Gold threw the pokégear into the backseat and slammed the brakes as hard as he could, fortunately holding his arm out to keep Emerald from flying through the windshield. Everyone else wasn't that lucky and fell onto the floor due to Gold cutting the seatbelts. X looked like he would pass out any second from hyperventilation. Y did pass out. Lack-two now noticed the girl crying against him.

"Shh, everything will be alright." Lack-two was doing a fairly good job comforting White. Until Gold decided to speak up again.

"Never, ever, _ever_ park in the middle of the road! Especially on a three-or-more lane highway!" Gold said, shifting the gear to "park". His juniors shrieked again. Then, they got rammed by a car, which caused Emerald to ram into Gold's arm again and rub his head. It caused everyone else to either hit the floor or the back of a chair. Or both. Wally had fully passed out this time.

"You should always pull over, or be away from traffic when you park. When you do, always get out on the side away from the road." Gold said, getting out, slinging Y over his shoulder, and calmly walking across the highway. He was taking his time and whistling, while he almost got hit by cars until they slammed the brake, flipped over him, and generally caused a huge pile-up.

"See? They'll stop for ya. Come on! By the way, we sorta blew the gas tank, so yeah."

"What?!" All of his (conscious) juniors shrieked. Sapphire grabbed Wally and jumped out of the car, along with everyone else. Hugh had to drag X, who was in too much shock to do anything. They all made it safely across the highway.

"You… are a mad man!" Ruby breathed to Gold, half in shock.

"Eh, you guys worry too much! We're all fine, the car is fine…" The car then exploded behind Gold. "…See? You should have auto-insurance, in case something bad happens. Not that it ever would, especially with someone as experienced as me driving."

Whi-two was hyperventilating, along with X and Diamond, but managed to breath "What… now?"

"We drive back home of course!" Gold said.

Emerald had the sense to pull out the Pokégear Crystal gave him, and called her.

"Hello?" She asked.

"**_Help us!_**" Emerald screamed into the phone, causing Crystal to panic. While Emerald gave Crystal directions and details, Lack-two was giving Gold his tickets.

"…And you're under arrest."

"For what?!" Exclaimed Gold.

"For reckless driving and endangerment of children!"

"What are you talking about? If you think that's bad, you should see my mom drive! And besides, I was being careful with you guys!"

"No you weren't!"

"Of course I was! Geez, why don't you guys ever believe me?! Safety is always my first priority!"

"Liar!"

When they all got back, Gold got arrested for a week before Red decided to bail him out. Crystal taught Emerald how to drive properly, and Red gave Gold the scolding of a lifetime. Eventually, everyone got over the terrifying experience. None of his juniors _ever,_ **_ever _**broke the rules of the road. They were looking forward to their quality time with Silver. Until he got them into a car with him.

"How do you still have a license?!" Lack-two shrieked.

"I need a license for this?"

"Yes! Pull over!"

"Nah, this is fun! I should have tried this whole driving thing a long time ago!"

"I'm not going through this again! I don't care if this is reckless!" Emerald then managed to throw Silver into the back seat, and drag White into the driver's seat. "You're old enough to drive!"

"And I have a license."

Thus White safely drove them the rest of the way.

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**A/N: Ok, I don't know the rules of the road that well because I'm too young to drive. Hope you guys enjoyed anyway! :P**


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